darklyndsea: squitten (Default)
[personal profile] darklyndsea
There's this verse writing itself in my head (isn't there always? In this case it's the SWCI-verse, of which I've only written one fic so far). And you know how it always goes when the fic writes itself: you keep getting surprised with new bits that get thrown at you, that you have no ability to change...or at least that's how it goes with me. Fortunately, my muse usually either comes up with reasonable bits (for a slightly odd vallue of reasonable) or comes up with reasonable explanations when prodded hard enough. This time...I don't even know.

So, my muse informed me that in this verse Xander has been turned into a woman (physically) several times in the past, at least one of them long-term, and that he's going to get genderswapped (in the conventional sense of the word, not its more literal sense) again, probably for a year and a day. So far so good; it's certainly a reasonable enough piece of backstory, and I think it works inside the story as long as he's not transformed by a human...but wait! My muse insists that Xander's completely fine with it, even on the inside, and no, he's not even a little bit gender-fluid, or gender apathetic, or anything other than solidly male on the inside.

So I have to admit, I'm more than a little bit confused, because by all rights he should be at least uncomfortable with being in a female body. Sure, he's been through enough transformations of his body over the years that he's not too concerned about his body remaining the same, as long as he's physically capable of doing all of his normal activities, but again, he's not gender apathetic. Maybe that's just how much he's stopped taking appearance as anything important, except for matters of choice? But then, clothing is a matter of choice, and when he goes out to buy his new wardrobe he chooses to buy skirts as well as pants., and he doesn't even have anybody with him to encourage/force him to. And he doesn't have all the female friends here that he did back home; he totally could have gotten away with wearing the exact same things he did when he was male, with the addition of a bra and possibly some dresses for the fancier events Marcone goes to.

This makes my head hurt. Thanks, Muse!


darklyndsea: squitten (Default)

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